u n a p o l o g e t i c - a poem on growth, by KJ Kindling
U N A P O L O G E T I C
by KJ Kindling
I paint stripped my soul back
to it’s Ash beginnings. Sanded out
the edges from all the breaks.
I was home of splintered wood.
It took time.
I didn’t call it self care when I did it.
More like self-repair.
More like self-salvation.
I tore out every page I wrote for
what was to come. I crumpled up
dreams when I balled that paper up.
Put promises in the trash with the
Didn’t call it growth.
Didn’t call it moving on.
Called it a last ditch effort.
Sat in the buzzing silence of
no plans, running my finger
along a torn spine in an
It wasn’t body positivity when
I looked at the bend in my toes and
my split ends, and pressed my tongue
to the dark soft spots in the back
of my mind that ache when I touch
them and thought, “This is all I am
so it must be enough.”
I didn’t call it grace because it wasn’t.
Grace is built on forgiveness and
acceptance and I acknowledge that
I had no other choice.
I paint stripped my soul back. Examined
myself from all angles, flipped through
blank pages in the silence and the page turning
Growing isn’t always as photogenic
as it seems.
KJ Kindling is a seventh generation Coloradoan, a rescue dog enthusiast, a feminist, a life long poet, and a naturalist. She's been featured in Harness Magazine, the She Will Speak Anthology, Punch Drunk Press's website, and a couple other places and hopes to publish a collection of poems by the end of 2020.